The Lord of the Rings Big Brother
by ClarabelleBaggins
Summary: The Fellowship have agreed to be locked in a House for 10 weeks. Who will stay? Who will Go? Who will win the ultimate prize?! *My imagination must have been very bored!*
1. The Housemates Arrive

Okay. Please don't take this seriously. I thought I'd add it to here just in case someone was very bored and felt like reading it. It was written for the website run by my friends and me. I'm a big, Big Brother fan and I wondered what it would be like if the Fellowship were in the house. So I've written it! It's not meant to be offensive in any way. This BB is set in the UK Big Brother-Series 3 house.  
  
All characters are owned by J.R.R Tolkien.  
  
  
  
Day 1 - 10:00am  
  
"Day 1 in the Big Brother house and the contestants have yet to arrive. Their identities have been kept secret from the press but now the day has come. Gandalf is the first to arrive."  
  
The door opened and Gandalf walked in carrying his silver case. He walked down the stairs looking in wonder at was to be his home for maybe the next 10 weeks. Placing his case at the bottom of the stairs, Gandalf began to walk around, inspecting everything, clearly pleased about what he saw.  
  
"The next contestant to arrive is Saruman."  
  
Saruman entered with a look of glee on his face and made his way hurriedly down the stairs. His face fell as he reached the bottom and saw Gandalf standing there looking equally downcast.  
  
"Gandalf." Said Saruman curtly.  
  
"Saruman." Said Gandalf, almost as if spitting the name.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Asked Saruman.  
  
"I'm a contestant you fool." Replied Gandalf sarcastically.  
  
"Oh." Said Saruman, and he sniffed turning up his nose. "I see they're letting anyone in."  
  
"I shall not sink to your level of bitching Saruman, however much you goad me."  
  
Saruman turned his back on Gandalf and walked away. Gandalf turned away.   
  
"Well they let you in you nance." He muttered under his breath.  
  
Saruman glanced back suspiciously at Gandalf but he was already heading towards the kitchen. Saruman walked to a door and pushed it open, finding himself in the first bedroom.  
  
"I call this room!" He yelled.  
  
"We have to share Saruman." Replied Gandalf.  
  
"Share?! Saruman the White does not share!" Exclaimed Saruman.  
  
"Fair enough." Called back Gandalf. "I am sure the chickens wouldn't mind moving."  
  
Just as Saruman was about to reply there was a commotion from the top of the stairs and a group of hobbits and cases practically fell through the door. Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin ran down the stairs with squeals of excitement.  
  
"This is fantastic!" Yelled Pippin.  
  
The hobbits proceeded to run rather insanely about the house. First stop was the kitchen. Cupboard doors were pulled open frantically and the contents called out to each other. Then Merry spotted the garden. He ran for the door and slid then open. The other hobbit followed shortly. Sprinting across the garden he reached the vegetable patch.  
  
"Carrots!" He yelled. "They have carrots!"  
  
"5 minutes later, Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli and Legolas enter the house."  
  
Boromir strode in first, a slight swagger in his step. Aragorn entered followed by Gimli. Legolas was the last to enter. As the door closed he let out a yell. All turned to see Legolas bent back, his hair trapped in the door.  
  
"My hair! My hair!" He cried. "It's stuck! My beautiful hair!"  
  
Gimli sighed and strode back up the stairs. Taking a fistful of Legolas' hair, he pulled it free of the door resulting in a scream. Gimli grunted and stomped down the stairs with Legolas following behind trying to retain some dignity.   
  
"The final two to arrive in the house are Sauron and Arwen. The housemates have all collected together in the living area."  
  
The housemates stood up as the door opened and there was the sound of a scuffle outside. At once both Sauron and Arwen squeezed through the door. Each giving each other angry looks (well Sauron more like growled as you could not see his face underneath the metal helmet) and jostled their way down the stairs. The housemates greeted them with warm smiles, shaking hands. The hobbits we rather reluctant to shake hands with Sauron, they couldn't reach in first place, but being polite they say their hellos. They all then proceeded to take a quick tour around the house together with shouts of glee at the things they found.   
  
"Now all housemates have arrived they decide to chose rooms and start unpacking. The four hobbits, Gandalf and Arwen have taken Bedroom 1 while Sauron, Legolas, Gimli, Boromir, Aragorn and Saruman have taken Bedroom 2"  
  
Saruman sat at the end of his bed with his arms folded, pouting. However many times he had tried to persuade the other housemates that the other room might be better for them they did not buy it and had chosen their beds. Now in all bedrooms each housemate were unpacking their suitcases.  
  
"What are they?" Asked Aragorn, pointing at something he noticed in Boromir's case.  
  
Boromir glanced down and his eyes widened in panic. He grabbed hold of the silk boxers shorts with hearts printed on and stuffed them in his drawer. He looked at Aragorn laughed nervously and went back to packing.   
  
Gimli looked through his bag frantically as if he had lost something. Smiling he pulled out a blue cuddly teddy bear and placed it on the pillow. Gently tucking him in under the covers. Legolas had already started to arrange his cosmetics carefully on the spaces provided.  
  
In the 1st bedroom the hobbits were also unpacking. Gandalf, who had only to pull out another grey robe and a couple of books and other necessities, was now sitting smoking a pipe. The hobbits were still unpacking. They watched in surprise as Sam pulled out a couple if kitchen utensils.  
  
"What do you need those for?" Asked Frodo.  
  
"Well I don't leave anywhere with out my pans." Replied Sam.  
  
"And the gardening sheers?" Asked Merry.  
  
Sam uttered something under his breath and they carried on packing.  
  
Arwen was now collecting all her clothes, which had been packed into the suitcase so tight that when she opened it there had been an explosion of dresses and lingerie. She had turned to find one of her bras had landed on Gandalf's head and he stood with a comical expression of bemusement upon his face. With an embarrassed mumble of apology, she whipped it off his head and continued collecting her scattered belongings. 


	2. Araogorn The Diary Room

Day1 - 3:00pm - The Diary Room  
  
"Aragorn has been called to the diary room"  
  
Aragorn pushed the door open silently and walked in, his cloak still covering his face, shrouded in mystery and a lit pipe in his hand. Gracefully he lowered himself into the diary room chair and looked at the camera from under his hood.  
  
"Big Brother." He acknowledged.  
  
"Hello Aragorn." Came the man's voice. "How are you feeling after entering the house?"  
  
"I'm feeling." Aragorn mused. "Okay."  
  
"What do you think about your other housemates?" Asked Big Brother.  
  
"They're pleasant enough. But I've only been here a few hours. I can't really say much about them after that long." There was a silence as he took a draw of his pipe and the pipeweed inside that he was given by Merry earlier, lit up. "I am slightly worried though." He eventually said. "I've noticed that Arwen has been looking at me a great deal. And also." There was another pause as he breathed in the smoke around him. "Saruman too."  
  
"Is that all?" Asked Big Brother.  
  
"No." Said Aragorn now being more open. "I'm also kind of disappointed at Boromir."  
  
"And why is that Aragorn?" Asked Big Brother.  
  
Aragorn looked at the camera in front of him and his mouth turned down at the corners slightly.  
  
"He's been offering mini rolls around to everybody else but he hasn't offered me one." 


	3. Guessing Games

Day 1 - 11:36pm  
  
"The housemates have opened the bottles of wine given to them by Big Brother as a welcome gift and have been drink steadily through the evening. They have decided to play a game where each housemate tell three facts about themselves and the other housemates must choose which one is true."  
  
"Me first!" Yelled Sauron, standing up from the sofa and standing before the housemates with a glass of wine clutched in his hand. "Right. You are never, ever gonna get mine." And he laughed. The hobbits flinched and moved closer together. "My three facts about moi are. 1, I have two children. 2, I was once a air hostess." Sam winced as if he had just had a rather unpleasant vision. ".And 3, I was once offered the position of Leader of the World Hippy Federation."  
  
The housemates looked at each other blankly wondering which of these somewhat misfit ting statements were true.  
  
"Oh Come on!" Said Sauron, swinging his hand containing the wine gals and little to violently and splashing some on the carpet.  
  
"Errr." Said Boromir hesitantly. "You were once and air hostess?" And he laughed.  
  
"Ding, ding! End of round 1 and Boromir of Gondor is the winner!" Yelled Sauron and he collapsed on the sofa giggling.  
  
Sam again winced at the rather disturbing image that was in his head. Everyone else looked worriedly at Sauron who was lying face down, a cushion over his face giggling, the wine glass and it's contents tipped all over the floor.  
  
"Who's next?" Asked Gandalf. 


	4. Feasting

Day 2 - 1:45am  
  
"All of the housemates have gone to bed. Sauron has fallen asleep on the sofa. Frodo and Merry are the only two housemates still awake."  
  
"Merry." Whispered Frodo to the hobbit in the next bed.  
  
"Yes." Replied Merry.  
  
"Are you awake?"  
  
"No Frodo. I'm not. This is just a conversation in your head."  
  
"Really?" Asked Frodo lifting his head from the pillow in genuine interest.  
  
Merry sighed.  
  
"What did you want?" He whispered.  
  
"I don't know." Replied Frodo. "To talk."  
  
"About what?" Asked Merry.  
  
"Things."  
  
Merry sighed again. He could hear the camera in the corner moving about and guessed it was zooming in one the two hobbits. He frowned in the direction of the camera and whispered to Frodo.  
  
"Are you hungry?"  
  
"Yep." Replied Frodo shortly.  
  
"Wanna raid the cupboard?" Asked Merry?  
  
"Come on then." Replied Frodo who was already halfway to the door.  
  
The two hobbits slipped out the door being as quiet as hobbits can be, which is very quiet and tip toed past the snoring Sauron who was lying face down of the sofa, one leg hooked onto the back of it and most of his front half hanging off the side, his helmet resting his head on the floor. They made their way to the cupboard and pulled it open searching for delicious eatables.  
  
"So what do you think of everyone then?" Said Frodo in a hushed whisper.  
  
"I dunno. They all seem really nice." Merry didn't sound too sure when he said this and his eye wandered over to the foot of Sauron. There came a snort from that direction that was made louder by the metal helmet over Sauron's head.  
  
"Hmmm." Mumbled Frodo through a chocolate digestive. "Though I was kind of.disturbed to find out that Gimli's biggest ambition was to be a ballet dancer."  
  
"Yeah. And that Aragorn owned a cat called Mr Tiddles." Said Merry thoughtfully.  
  
They continued to chew through two packets of chocolate digestives and the remains of the mini rolls. Then they decided that it would be best to stop eating before they finished off the entire contents of the cupboard. Merry took the wrappers and dumped them in the bin as they quietly sneaked back to the bedroom. As they past Sauron he gave a loud snore and coughed. The hobbits froze and suddenly Sauron sneezed, shaking his whole body, which made his foot slip off the back off the sofa and his whole body to slide with a loud "KLUNK" onto the floor. Merry and Frodo stepped slowly forward as it went silent. They jumped as Sauron let out a huge snore and carried to sleep peacefully. Hurriedly they entered their bedroom and slid into their beds. 


	5. The Morning Afte the Night Before

Day 2 - 09:00am  
  
The house was silent. The cameras scanned the rooms for sign of movement. None came. Then there was a click and the voice of Big Brother echoed through the house.  
  
"Attention Housemates. The hot water is now on and will stay on for the next hour."  
  
At last movement came from under the covers as the housemates stirred. Arwen sat up. Her hair covered her face with a severe case of bed head. Gandalf sat up, his hair covering his face also with a severe case of bed head. Pippin sat up and looked over at Gandalf then dived under the covers. A hissing noise sounding like suppressed giggles came from beneath the duvet. Gandalf glared at Pippin's bed and then slid out of his.  
  
He shuffled his way out the door, then shuffled back into the bedroom unhooking his dressing gown to cover his red long johns. He made his way to the bathroom. As he passed the couches, Sauron lifted his head up of the floor and looked at him.  
  
"Morning." Muttered Gandalf.  
  
Sauron hiccupped in reply and his head feel back to the floor with a clang.  
  
A few minutes later Arwen stepped out of the bedroom. She smiled at Gandalf who sat at the counter drinking a cup of coffee. Walking towards the toilet she opened the door. A split second later a shriek passed her lips.  
  
"Eww! Eww! Eww! Eww! Eww!" She cried repeated, running away and flapping her hands about madly. She had opened the door to find Sauron kneeing before the toilet, his head lolling over the side.  
  
Gandalf smiled to himself as Sauron staggered out the toilet to get a drink of water from the tap. As he couldn't find any glasses and taking a drink from the tap was a slight problem because of his helmet, Sauron filled up the sink with water and dumped his head in it.  
  
"Dark Lord my arse. What Dark Lord can't handle his drink?" Gandalf muttered to himself. 


	6. Breakfast

Day 2 - 10:42am  
  
"I can't believe they turned the water off before I got there." Said Legolas, pacing up and down for the hundredth time.  
  
"You'll wear a hole in the floorboard." Noted Sam matter of factly.  
  
Legolas chose to ignore that comment and carried on. "I need to wash my hair!"  
  
"Nothing stopping you." Said Frodo.  
  
"I do not wash my hair in cold water!" Replied Legolas haughtily. "It does nothing for my roots!"  
  
Pippin sat watching Legolas from the sofa. His mouth slightly open and his eyes squinting as if he were in deep thought. He'd always heard that elves were beautiful, quiet, mysterious creatures caring for beauty in nature. But before him stood a rather grumpy elf, neither quiet nor elegant complaining about split ends. It was most confusing.  
  
Frodo and Sam busied themselves in the kitchen. They had over come the problem that they were unable to reach the counters. Sam had asked Big Brother for a stool with wheels and this had been provided. So Sam stood on the stool while Frodo pushed him about where it was needed. It still needed a little fine tuning though as the stool has already got stuck 2 times already and Sam had landed on the floor with the saucepans falling on his head.  
  
Gimli strode out of the bedroom and glared at the elf. His foot, encased in a pink bunny shaped slipper tapped and he crossed his arms.  
  
"What is going on? I'm trying to get some sleep!"  
  
"Legolas missed the hot water." Said Boromir, not looking up from his book.  
  
Gimli made a sort of growl in the direction of Legolas and then stormed back into the bedroom.  
  
"Where's Merry?" Asked Aragorn, dodging out of the way of the hobbits on wheels.  
  
"He's outside getting some eggs from the chickens." Said Frodo.  
  
As if on cue, there was a squawk outside and everyone turned to look at the glass doors to the garden. A second later a chicken ran passed flapping it's wings madly. Following close behind was Merry, his arms outstretched and keeping low to the ground. The housemates watched as he and the chicken passed out of view from the doors. Gandalf opened his mouth to say something when there came a yell from the direction the pair had disappeared and a moment later they saw Merry run past the window looking fearfully over his shoulder. Behind him ran a group of five chickens pecking menacingly at his heels. 


End file.
